Tuesday, March 19, 2002

Turns out I have fans! Or at least one. Good enough for me. ;)

So I can't let my public down! So for today, I'll begin with the requisite disclaimer:


I think poetry is the stuff of hacks. And I have a degree in English, so not all of my talking is coming from my posterior-- some of it actually has some backing. So I have, in response to the "poets" of the world, who think that they should not be "read" but instead be "interpreted", and are actually failed prose writers who confuse rhyme scheme and meter for concision, created my own form of poetry. More accurately, two types, but I only feel one of them brewing right now, so it'll have to do. The first, and obviously more entertaining, is the 60 second haiku, which are more often thatn not dirty, and can, on ocassion, rhyme. I totally bypass the whole nature aspect. I mean, why follow the conventional wisdom?

So I'll lay down the other kind. The five minute poem. (What's with the time thing? Hey! That's a whole rant right there!) I made it through several college courses at the helm of the five minute poem. I just spew all the neat sounding and clever words I can in five minutes, and then move them all around until I make something synthetic and poorly thought out, so other Hacks can read said words and divine a grand mess of introspective bullpoop that I never even put in there. It makes me wonder what long dead Hacks like Frost and Whitman are thinking when they hear the over-educated pontificate over their synthetic, poorly thought out words. So pick a respectably inflammatory concept or topic, then make it all twirly, and it will dribble out looking something like this:

Once Again:

who art in heaven?
It's me again
once again,
staring at the last refuge
of the truly wicked.

words made from nothing
by me again
once again,
feeling shook
and bending eyes skyward.

whispered from one to another
to you again
once again,
and casting aspersions.

lost in our dakness
it's us again
once again,
ear to mouth

See how easy that is? I'm a sucker for the four stanza layout. It seems to fit the 5 minute bill best. Try it at home, kids!! Amaze your friends!! Horrify your parents and educators!! Write yours about homosexuality, or about how much you hate yourself, or how you think unkind thoughts about France, or maybe Canada. Use as few words as possible to make as big of a scary hairy mess as you possibly can! Embrace the raw Hackery of it all. Don't waste time with silly things like the segue, or character development, or hell, even with the character. Just put fairly random words together, making sure that they challenge a belief structure, or attack someone or something that you don't fully understand. It's awesome.

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